On Captain Marvel

Yesterday, J.R. decided to taunt me with Marvel’s teaser of X-Treme X-Men (jerk), but also included the teaser of a new Captain Marvel.  It looked like this:

But I can guarantee you, the fan community probably reacted to it like this:

Adorably bored.

And here’s why.  No one gives half a damn about Captain Marvel.  Not Marvel’s Captain Marvel, at least.  The far more popular Captain Marvel is DC’s Captain Marvel who I’m pretty sure they’re not calling Captain Marvel anymore (which I hope is true because if they call him Shazam then he can’t say his own name without turning off his powers).

Quick – what are Captain Marvel’s powers?  What does he do?  You might toss out ‘Quantum Bands’ (whatever that means) and I think that’s right, though isn’t that what Quasar has?  Or did Quasar get them from Captain Marvel…you know what?  Let’s stop this.

Captain Marvel is only noteworthy in the Marvel Universe  because he died.  And not like one of those usual bound-to-be-reincarnated deaths that are all the rage nowadays, but Captain Marvel had a real death where he died from a normal human disease.  It’s a big deal to fans because whenever someone makes up a list of memorable comic events, they always slap this one on there:

But before that point, no one cared about Captain Marvel.  Hell, that’s probably why he was picked for the graphic novel of death to begin with.  When you think about noteworthy Marvel characters, Captain Marvel never ranks.  Ever.  The Swordsman probably ranks higher and I effing HATE the Swordsman.  HATE.

But Marvel knows that fans have this ‘Death of Captain Marvel is a big deal’ thing engrained in their comic brains.  I have never read the story but I know that Captain Marvel died and it was said and it was a big deal.  And Marvel tried to make a big deal about it during Civil War with this piece of crap:

They hyped as a huge return, but it turned out to be Captain Marvel, which was disappointing in itself.  But they also had to deal with the reality that the only noteworthy thing about the character is his death, so they had this new Captain Marvel be the one that had been infected with the cancer that would kill him, but was not yet sick.  Sound stupid?  Don’t worry – he was a Skrull and made absolutely no difference one way or the other.

I don’t know what this new Captain Marvel book is going to be, but I have a pretty good feeling that it’s not going to be much of anything.

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