Hey, remember back when Kevin Smith movies were THE thing to be into to seem like you had your smart-ass sh*t together?
No? Maybe you aren’t from my post-GenX, pre-millennial era of coming up. Right around the time I hit college, the fab-four of Kevin Smith movies – Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Dogma – were the go-to movies for showing that you knew what fun and intelligent was. Sure, looking back, they’re rough, stupid, unwatchable and brilliant (IN THAT ORDER), but back then? Amazing. And then Kevin Smith wrapped the whole thing up with Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back, and the whole thing faded into the sunset.
Until he dipped into the well again for Clerks II, which itself is…certainly something else.
It’s been a long time since the Kevin Smith heyday. Since then, he’s become somewhat of a…mixed bag…when it comes to his writing/directing projects. There’s certainly a specific audience for Kevin Smith stuff, and perhaps I’ve become a bit jaded for it since I decided to move past my “screw the man, never grow up, poop is funny” phase. You know…like a decade ago.
Anyway, there is always a bit of excitement, if for the sheer nostalgia, when Kevin Smith pops back up and says he’s about ready to dip again into the View Askew well. There’s nothing like a “hey, what are they up to now” rehash of an old franchise, so when he came up a while back and said one of his oddly reviewed movies had funded Clerks III, it was excitement time.
But then time passed and nothing ever really came of it. So then he popped up and said that he was definitely making Mallrats II with all of the cast involved and that they were ready to go! And then nothing happened.
So, now, when he once again pipes up and says “Ok, now I’m making a Jay & Silent Bob II and this time I’m really serious!”, you have to take it with a grain of salt. Sure you are, old fat man. That’s adorable. You go make your movie and tell us when you want to, you know, make it.
So what happened to the other two? Well, Clerks III didn’t happen because “one of the four leads opted out”. Assuming that the four leads were himself, Jason Mewes, Brian O’Halloran and Jason Anderson, it was probably one of the latter two that said ‘enough is enough’ and you can’t have Clerks without both Dante and Randall. And as for Mallrats? Well, turns out Smith thought it would be better as a TV series, but unfortunately no one who actually makes or airs these things agreed with him.
So now it’s “I’ll make my own movie! With Blackjack! And hookers!” And you know what? If he does it, then kudos for him. I’ll even slap down my money for a ticket. But don’t try to sell me with your hype. Like your movies and your comic plots, you’ve just gone to that well one too many times. All you’ll get it a snarky post in a comic blog.