By: Jason Aaron
Art/Cover: Mike Del Mundo
While I wait for Issue #2 of “The Adventures of Fro Man and Dub Step Boy”, I wanted to start a series from one of the bigger DC or Marvel characters. Jacob has X-Men locked down and J.R. is traveling through the Batman world, so I went with the God of Thunder. I don’t think “Thorbowski” will make an appearance in this comic, though. 😉
The first issue starts with Thor Odinsson, reflecting on the recently busy few weeks: running from the Crimson Temple, fighting the disciples of Cyttorak, his “unworthiness”, no hammer, disciples of Thanos, demon-worshiping cannibals… it’s not easy being the Thor.
Unfortunately for all of these groups, Thor really enjoys being Thor, which includes wielding the ax, Jarnbjorn.
Thor explains that he’s in the Disciples of Cyttorak’s temple to retrieve the Warlock’s Eye, one of the most powerful artifacts from Odin’s Vault; these artifacts were scattered to the Four Winds when Asgardia exploded. Thor wanted to retrieve the Eye with little or no bloodshed. The disciples don’t have the Eye.
Their Champion does.
Thor’s week just got a whole lot worse.
Juggernaut is a little confused that Thor isn’t a woman – so am I! – but goes on to explain that Thor is no match for him, now: he’s “The Ultimate Juggernaut”, while Thor doesn’t have a hammer or even the “right number of arms”. Thor wants Juggernaut to listen to him, and listen well. Juggernaut “listens” with a right cross, knocking Thor into a deep cavern.
Wow, Thor has had quite an eventful few months or years in the comics! No hammer, missing his right arm, and lost (then gained back) his “Thor” mantle.
Thor falls… and falls… and falls. He calls out to Screwbeard for some kind of help. Who Screwbeard is, I’m not sure, yet. While Thor is falling, Juggernaut starts to walk away, hoping to find the Female Thor – “at least she has 2 arms”.
Until Thor emerges from the cavern, with… Mjornir!!
Thor takes a mighty swing at Juggs’s head.
(In the lines of the issue, Juggernaut – full of disdain – says: “Boy, this just keeps getting worse. Please stop. You’re embarrassing us BOTH at this point.”)
Thor again attacks Juggernaut, to little effect. Juggernaut counterattacks Thor, to MUCH effect. Thor tries to find out why his hammer shattered but Screwbeard (in some kind of mental conversation) has no clue. Juggs chokeslams Thor through the rocky ground… but not before Thor shouts “SEND THEM ALL!!” About 50 hammers, of various shapes and sizes, fall from the sky. One of the Disciples mocks the hammers, wondering if someone even has to be worthy to pick one up.
Never mock the hammers.
Thor recovers and unleashes the rest of the hammers. Juggernaut, Disciples, and nearly everyone else felt the wrath of Thor and his hammers. He took a ridiculous swing at Juggernaut with another hammer and this time, Thor did some serious damage, knocking out teeth and denting Juggs’s helmet. Off-screen, Thor apparently pummeled him with all of the hammers before escaping with the Wizard’s Eye. He flies to Old Asgard, where Screwbeard (a Dwarf) is in a state of shock: he wants to know how Thor broke every hammer he sent him. “Juggernaut’s face broke the hammers” is Thor’s reply. Dang, Thor!
Thor and Screwbeard debate and grumble about Thor’s rate of hammer-breaking (and the *minor* fact that Uru metal doesn’t grow on trees). Ud The Troll, member of the League of Realms, who also was in the area, vows to find any Uru remaining.
A brief sidestep: I had to look up Screwbeard, Ud, the League of Realms, and why Asgard was called ‘OLD’ Asgard. Many minutes stuck online in the Asgard section of the Marvel Universe.
Thor promises those other two “enough mead to drown a dragon”, once they make him more hammers and this whole business is over. That “business” is an upcoming war with Juggernaut and whoever else is on his side (a short, humorous exchange happens between Ud and Screwbeard). Meanwhile, Thor checks in with Heimdall, on the state of the Rainbow Bridge – it’s being rebuilt after it was blown up (!!). Progress is slow but it is going. Heimdall – BLIND!! – is as uneasy as Thor: Malekith is still waging war against the other realms (after Mangog virtually destroyed Asgard), Asgard is cut off from the other realms, and “the gods live in pain and squalor, yet we still live”. During this meeting, Thor also meets with Odin. Odin is pleased to see the Thor of old but warns him that “the great wounds of our recent trials will not be as easily healed as in times past”.
We next travel to the Bronx (on Earth), the seemingly-new-but-temporary location of Midgard. Lady Solomon is trying to steer the stream of Asgardian refugees to their various rooms and locations, with varying results… and varying levels of patience. Even recently-arrived Thor gets a gruff greeting. A not-so-gruff greeting does await Thor, however, in the form of an old friend and flame:
She has a tip on the location of another Odin’s Vault artifact, the Gem of Infinite Suns. She also marvels at Thor’s shiny new, golden hammer (and there’s some innuendo in her marveling). She eventually points Thor upstairs to “her”; I’m guessing Thor’s here for that person.
That person is Freyja, whose tending to a heavily-bandaged Volstaag. Freyja is glad that Volstagg’s appetite – he’s downed 8 IV bags of nourishment, including a whole, liquefied turkey – is one of the things that have returned to normal. Freyja indirectly asks about “him”, perhaps Odin; neither she nor Odin seem to be on good terms, in the present. However, she didn’t mean Odin… she meant Loki. Thor is not amused:
Freyja is justifying Loki’s attempted assassination of her (in the previous series?); Thor just wants to beat Loki’s brains in with his hammer. Thor eventually budges ever so slightly and concedes that Freyja is speaking as “a protective mom”; however, he “is not a forgiving brother”. Thor, eternally raging, flies of to…
THE SOUTHERN OCEAN.
Thor is greeted – not as warmly as Freyja or Jane Foster – by Namor. They battle but it’s not shown what happens…
… because we next see Thor in
THE NEWARK HARBOR.
Feeding parts of a shark.
To a Talking Dog, named Thori.
After ripping the Gem of Infinite Suns from the shark’s stomach.
While a Goat is watching nearby.
Yes, I just typed that.
Thori and the Goat skirmish over the remains of the shark.
Thor states the need for many drinks.
After reading that page, I think I need a drink, also.
Thor’s temporary sanctuary is in/on a boat in the harbor, where he can rel –
Loki is in his boat. AND DRANK THOR’S LAST COLD BEVERAGE.
Outside, Thori is lounging in the rib cage of the shark; the goat is in the distance, with entrails hanging from his mouth.
Behind the goat:
That punch took them many yards away, crashing into an unfortunate yacht. Thor tries to jam his hammer into Loki’s mouth but Loki finally blasts himself free. Loki repeatedly tries to tell Thor that he’s not there to fight; Thor relents just enough for Loki to get a breath. Loki mentioned Freyja and Thor chokes that breath out, then throws Loki through a wall… but not before Loki says that he can do what Odin can not: end the war.
Thori finally alerts Thor that an intruder is in the area. Worthless.
I found out that Thori is a Helhound. Still worthless.
Loki has a grand proposal: he knows that Thor and Asgard are cut off from the rest of the realms. He’ll act as Thor’s personal Bifrost, allowing Thor to get to the other realms, if Thor lets him have “something in his room” – he will say what what that is, after Thor “takes his journey”. While they were talking, Loki was secretly prepping a spell; he released it when Thor asks what journey he’s going on. Before the spell could pull Thor away, he reaches out and grabs Loki’s hair.
Niffleheim. Loki sent them to Hel.
Thor and Loki see Baldur the Brave approaching, and jump onto his… war wagon?
“UNTOLD EONS FROM NOW”
Thor is now in space, fighting another shark??
His granddaughters are on a space ship – a wooden, pre-Industrial Revolution, ship that’s flying in space! – bemusedly watching this fight. One of the women feed the shark “processed wheat gluten”, calming it down before it could eat all of New Midgard (!!). While they debate what brought the last Space Shark so far out of its normal range, Grandfather Thor hears prayers coming from New Midgard. Whoever or whatever said those prayers extremely distressed Thor….
We are now on NEW MIDGARD.
A young woman meets Grandfather Thor and directs him to a very old woman in a bed. She, according to Thor, deserves to rest “after building a world from nothing”. She has apparently been alive for 275 years and has been too long with out “her Steve”. Thor offers her some more of his power to keep her alive; she declines. Instead, she wants to know if there’s such a thing as Heaven? Thor says “no”.
I don’t know who “Steve” is but it is revealed who the woman is.
They have a touching last moment together before Jane – “the lasT All-Mother” – finally passes away.
Thor and the people of New Earth mourn her death before he’s interrupted by one of his granddaughters, Ellisiv. She claims that there are no stars in the sky! Thor keeps brushing her off until she flat-out asks: “Where’s your hammer?” Said hammer comes roaring back to New Earth, striking the ground. Thor had thrown the hammer across the cosmos to see what is exactly happening:
As he’s lamenting this turn of events, he is hit by something massive. Turning to face this attacker just caps off the week that Thor is having:
Wow! That was a heck of a start to Thor! There are now 3 storylines in progress:
- Thor is about to go to war with Juggernaut
- Possibly tied into #1, Malekith is wrecking the rest of the Realms
- Waaay into the future, All-Father Thor has run into… Wolverine?!?
I liked the “familiarity humor” between Thor, Ud, and Screwbeard: it wasn’t too much or over the top, it was what you would expect with 3 close friends, after time away from each other. I definitely liked the story and the action, although I had to do some serious Google searching to find out about a few characters. I also liked the artwork. It’s going to be interesting to see when Loki turns on Thor; it’s not a matter of if. Also, how does Future Thor, and whatever version of Wolverine that was, play into this upcoming war? We will see in Thor #2!